| *Platinum* |
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| 12:54pm 26/02/2006 |
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mood:  doom
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I've got nothing better to do, so here I go again.
I've been drinking too much. And smoking way too many cigarettes. And not really eating very much. I feel weak. I think my stomach is beginning to eat itself. And I can't find the aspirin. I drove home last night in the blinding snow. It was intense. I really look for any excuse to leave Beverly, and last night it was the Lawrence's.
I need to stop biting my nails. But they get to a certain point and I just can't take it anymore, they must be chewed. And I've started cracking my knuckles for some odd reason. If I keep it up, my knuckles are going to be huge when I'm old and that will not be a very attractive addition to my long, gangly fingers. I'm not really sure when I started this new habit, but I should probably end it. I don't even notice when I'm doing it anymore until its too late. And I can't just crack some of them, if I start with one, I have to finish the entire hand. Its only fair.
I know we can do it, just let me prove it. |
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| Hold on. |
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| 11:45am 26/02/2006 |
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mood:  worried
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Wow. Updating.
I'm moving back to NH. I have to get out of Beverly. So I'm coming home until I save enough money to get out of NH. I don't know where I'm going yet, but I've got some time.
I really thought I'd want to put more effort into this. Guess not. |
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| 03:35pm 23/01/2006 |
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If I had a car, I would drive someplace warm and sunny.
Forever. |
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| Drunken entries? I think so . . . |
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| 09:43pm 20/12/2005 |
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mood: lame music: Television will eat your brain.
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I haven't been around much. In any way.
I'm on vacation. Christmas is kicking my wallets ass. Not that I had any money to begin with.
Second job on the way. Hopefully. More time taken out of my day.
I fail at everything. And I miss alot of people. |
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| Pills keep me up at night. |
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| 05:06pm 08/09/2005 |
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I am so fucking tired. It was my first all nighter since I've been back at school. I took these crazy aderol like pills that Keith gave me. I've been up for about 30 hours. Maybe. I don't know. Something like that. I'm too tired to do math. I tried sleeping at 4 but just laid in bed for 45 minutes, realized it wasn't going to happen and got up to take a shower, do my nails and make a necklace before having class.
So I live in Beverly with Zoppo. I work at Cabot Liquors. Everything is going well. Candi and Nikk are supposed to come down tomorrow night. I'm going to make them play 4 square and try to get other kids to join. I will not suppress my 4 square desires simply because no one else here will play with me. I'll play by myself. One square. Bouncing a ball and getting myself out. . . . yeah I'm pathetic. I'll just get everyone high and convince them that its THE GREATEST GAME IN THE WORLD.
Because it is.
Gah. One more hour of class before retiring to my living room with a bottle of wine. |
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| waste |
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| 09:52am 02/09/2005 |
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I want to carve our names into a tree so deep that it will bleed and the blood will flow over everything covering it with our love.
My god. Is it 4:10 yet? Get me the fuck out of here. I am going to need a hug when I get home. |
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| 04:48pm 01/09/2005 |
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mood:  grrr Puerto Rico music: no music for sam
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Stuck in Puerto Rico.
Reasons:
My flight from Tortola to San Juan was delayed by 4 hours.
By the time I got to the airport, the airline that I was supposed to switch over to was closed.
I was forced to get a hotel room and stay the night.
I woke up yesterday to try to get a flight only to find out that there is nothing that they can do because the delay was because of a natural occurance (lava ash on the runway) and they didn't have to switch the flight.
My parents could only buy me a ticket for Friday at 4:30 pm and have me stay at the hotel for 2 more days.
Today I tried to go and see if I could transfer the ticket and be on stand by or try and get a flight for today. No dice.
So now I am in my hotel room, drinking leftover rum from Tortola, watching daytime drama and doing crosswords.
I have missed my first day of classes and will miss my first day of work tomorrow.
Puerto Rico blows. No one can help me. I don't understand. I did everything that I was supposed to do. I waited for the airplane, I was there an hour earlier than I was supposed to be, the flight was 4 hours late, how the fuck is that my fault? And the airline is saying they are just throwing that ticket away and I had to buy a new one because they can't control nature. WHAT THE FUCK. OK Well neither can I because if I could, I would be at home right now in my new apartment, drinking wine with Zoppo and getting ready to start my new job at the liquor store. Goddammit, I fucking hate airlines. I really hope its not like this everytime I go to see Dave.
I keep wanting to write about what an awesome time I had in Tortola but I'm too cranky and tired and pissed off so I'll have to do that later, but I promise I will. It will be easier than telling the story to people everytime I hang out with a new person. And I know Amy wants to hear about the Full Moon party (fucking awesome) but for now. I'm going back to my room to watch crappy TV and hopefully pass out. |
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| Cheap stuff city. |
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| 03:01pm 07/08/2005 |
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mood:  cheerful music: Jim Croce.
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Hardcore flea-marketing today.
Jim Croce's Greatest Love Songs record.
4 dresses for a dollar.
2 pretty pins.
1 pair of earrings. (which I'm still not sure if I will actually wear but they were only a quarter. Besides, I'm almost positive with the right outfit they will be dashing.)
A Coca Cola t-shirt.
A present for Dave.
phew. I'm spent. |
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| I believe in living in one room. |
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| 09:52am 25/07/2005 |
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I think when I grow up, I will have a room that has big windows in it and nothing else. I will spend lots of money on a really nice (possibly shag, definately soft) carpet and on sunny days just lay on the rug in the sun for hours.
Thats one of my favorite things to do. Lay in the sun. Like a kitten. |
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| The difference between love and hell. |
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| 07:26pm 23/07/2005 |
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mood:  sun burned music: Sahara Hotnights
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So the plan is to sell my car and use the money that I make from that (plus the money I make at Filenes) to move to Beverly. I'm hoping that I will get to move into Super Chicken with Zoppo and Danielle. I haven't heard back from Zoppo about that apartment yet but hopefully soon. I'll still get to be a full time student if I sell my car which is good. Hopefully someplaces call me back about a job. I went down on Thursday to apply at a bunch of places. Then I just have to get good grades so my parents don't pull me out of school and then murder me hardcore. But I think I can do it. I'm not an idiot. I believe I can get the grades. I didn't last year because I didn't care. Plus I was drunk most of the year. Which also can't happen this year. I keep saying no drinking on the week days but I don't know how well that will work. I just have to make sure I get all my homework done before I drink. And I'll do it. Because I don't have a choice. I have to prove that I'm not a fuck up and I can do things right once in awhile.
I have to get everything figured out in a month because on the 17th I am boarding a plane and traveling to Tortola for 2 sunny wonderful weeks with my boyfriend before I go to school. I'm so excited. I don't think anything could get any better than that. Dave has the first week I'm there off and then the second week he starts classes. But I told him that I had no problem sitting on the beach and waiting for him to get out of class.
I'm also excited because I get to see all the people that Dave went to school with. And even though they're not really my friends per say, they are really fun and I'm looking forward to 2 weeks of partying with them.
So yeah, I just thought you should know. |
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| Its a gas gas gas. |
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| 02:13am 17/07/2005 |
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OK, I know that most people do not enjoy the comedic antics of Whoopie Goldberg, and rightfully so. However, I also know that most people have not seen the movie "Jumping Jack Flash." Its 80s charm draws me to it and I think that it is one of the lesser bad movies that Whoopie Goldberg has done, I mean maybe you should give it a chance.
And Dave, I know you hate Whoopie Goldberg and that you won't want to give it a chance, but maybe if I can get you drunk enough I can show you the wonderful ways of this movie, its really not that bad.
And I'm drunk.
edit: and by the way, its got a young Mr Camden in it, you know, the dad from 7th Heaven? How can you beat that? Just rent it. |
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| Some kids are products of rape. |
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| 12:04am 17/07/2005 |
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1) Starting time: 12:08
2) Full name: Samantha Dawn Hutchins
3) Nicknames: Sam, Sammy, Sweetheart, Pig Pen, Sammy Salsa
4) School: Montserrat College of Art, Beverly MA
5) Email: sweetieface1@hotmail.com
6) Eyes: Brown
7) Height: 5'6
8) Siblings: Candi and Karl
9) Ever been kissed: yes
10) Ever been cheated on or cheated: I'm pretty sure
11) What do you want in a relationship: Dave
12) Ever missed school because it was raining? no, but I have missed it because of my period, sometimes it helps to be a girl
13) Ever been kissed in a romantic place or time?: probably
14) Had an imaginary friend?: I thought you were my imaginary friend
15) Ever hook up with a friend: every boyfriend I've ever had was a friend first. I feel weird just hooking up with randomb people, I'd rather know a little bit about them first.
16) Ever cried during a film: Armeggedon gets me everytime (shut up)
17) Ever been in love with someone and they didn't know it? I thought I was in love, but I was just 16.
18) Ever thought of animated characters as hot?: no, cartoons should not be made to be goodlooking, it makse me uncomfortable
19) Ever think one of your friends were hot?: Dave
20) If someone you didn't know just happened to ask you out would you say? I would say no, I don't even like people that I don't know talking to me nevermind asking me out
21) What's the first thing about a person you notice? eyes, eyes are beautiful
:::FAVORITES:::
22) Shampoo: whatever is in my shower at the time
23) Color: ruby
24) Summer/Winter? I like summer because I get to spend more of it with DAve
26) Lace, silk or satin?: lace so pretty
::::::FRIENDS::::::
28) Who have you known the longest out of your friends? Zoppo
29) Who's the loudest? I try not to have loud friends
30) Who's the shyest? I don't remember
31) Who do you go to for advice? the gay or my sister
32) Who do you get along with the best? Dave
:::IN THE LAST 2 MONTHS HAVE YOU::::
33) Cried: yeah
34) Been mean: I try not to be, but sometimes I get drunk and I can't help it, I'm sorry
35) Acted blonde: I don't act blonde, I just have moments of brain not thinkage . . . like now
36) Been sarcastic: yeah I do do that someimes
37) Sang out loud in the shower: only when no one is home
38) Talked to someone you have liked: I talk to Dave all the time
39) Told someone you loved them: Dave
40) Hugged someone: I hugged Jimmy before I left his hosue
41) Been depressed: I'm trying not to waste my summer on depression, its not worth it
42) Wished upon a star: On Kates birthday we both saw shooting stars, I saw mine first andI felt bad that she didn't get to see one on her birthday so I tried giving her mine but then she saw another one right after so I got to keep my wish
43) Laughed until you've cried: maybe when I'm high
44) Played Truth or Dare: not recently
45) Watched a sunrise/sunset: I saw it when I was at Daves lake house
47) Broke up with someone: not recently
48) Just sat and thought: I thought it was called "zoning out"
::::ARE YOU:::::
49) Lonely: no, Dave is asleep but JJ is keeping me company online
50) Happy: yes
51) Talking to someone: JJ and Christian
::::DO YOU BELIEVE IN:::::
52) God/Devil: yeah
53) Love: yes
54) The Closet Monster:no
55) Santa Clause: when its fun
56) Heaven/hell: yea
57) Fairies: clap your hands peter, its the only way to save me
:::ODD QUESTIONS:::
58) Half empty or half full: half full until some fucker comes over and drinks it all and you have to shoot his ass with a shot gun
59) Who named you: my parents
60) Favorite quote: "more cowbell"
61) When was the last time you showered: today when I woke up
62) What was the last thing that you said when you were online: today when I wokd up
63) My favorite food: there are too many to choose from
64) What is your computer desk made of: I don't have a computer desk, but Daves dads computer desk is made of wood, from what I can see
65) What was the last thing that you ate: Sweet Mesquite BBQ pringles
66) Where do you want to go on your honey moon:I really don't know
67) Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with: Dave
68) Night or Day: night
69) What type of weather: my favorite kind of weather is during the summer when its nice and warm out and there is a cool breeze that cools you down extra when it blows, you know, summer nights. You know what I mean.
70) What did you do tonight: I worked and then went to Jimmys when I got out, brought Dave home, he passed out and then I drank beer and did this.
71) Thing that you find attractive about the opposite sex: Dave
72) How do YOU eat an Oreo: I eat off the top layer off the cookie, then eat off the filling by scraping my teeth along the bottom cookie and then eat the bottom cookie
73) All time favorite TV shows: too many to think of right now
74) Dream vehicle: 70s drug dealer car
75) What do you want to be when you grow up: Uncle McCroin
76) Favorite type of music: anything but rap, and even some kinds of rap I like (but not many)
77) Favorite band/singer: too many
78) Dessert: tara masu
79) Favorite Songs: too many
80) Favorite Music Video: Sexx Laws by Beck or Bowl of Oranges by Bright Eyes, I really can't choose
81) Favorite Animal: PANDA
82) Where would you spend your day: with a certain boy
83) If you could change your name what would it be: I like my name
84) Favorite Day of the Week: Friday because its a party night but you've still got the whole weekend ahead of you
85) Started something on fire: my own hair
86) First Son's name: Jesus
88) First daughter's name: who cares, girls dont count anyway right? har har har that was a joke
89) Silver or Gold: silver
90) You like scary or funny movies better: funny
91) On the phone or in person: I hate the phone
93) Do coconuts migrate: who cares, as long as they migrate to my tummy
94) Do you have pets: Wilson, Whiskey and Buddy
95) What kind of pet do you want: a puppy
96) Favorite carnival food: candy apples
97) Favorite movie genre: everything
98) Who sent this to you:Kendra my love
99) One funny thing a friend said to you today: Jimmy said lots of funny things but I'm drunk now and I don't remember
100) Do you want your friends to do this survey: ok
101) Time Finished: 1:07 but I was talking to people online, give me a break fucker |
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| 07:34pm 09/07/2005 |
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mood:  i need a back rub
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I work at Filenes now. The music there sucks. If you're ever there you should see if I am too. |
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| Say that you'll stay. |
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| 07:17pm 23/06/2005 |
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mood:  maybe a lil'
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I'm drunk. I'll recap.
Dave and I went to the beach. We got drunk and passed out. Dave burned becauase of me. I'll make it up to him by rubbing green stuff on him.
Dave made me a fabulous dinner afterwards. It was fabulous. He is fabulous. Fabulous.
I've been working at Filenes the last few days doing inventory. I think I might have gotten a part time job there too. Thanks to dousche bags who lie to me about my status at Bull Moose. Thank you for wasting a month of my time.
Oh but the best news is about how I left one of Daves bowls on the roof of my car. I went to go pick Dave up from work and heard it slide off my roof about 3 minutes down the road. It was too dark to see anything when I looked last night but today I went back and after a few minutes of looking, I found the bowl. It was the best thing that happened to me all day. I hope it makes Dave happy. Its a pretty sweet bowl.
Tomorrow we are going to tail gate and see Oasis. You are so totally jealous. Admit it. |
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| Melon makes me smile. |
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| 01:39pm 13/06/2005 |
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I am eating a very small sandwich right now because I am afraid to heat more in this eat. Sometimes when I eat when its this hot out my tummy hurts. Luckily my mom is going to get an air conditioner right now. She informed me this morning that she was literally melting.
Saturday I went to the graduation with Amy and the rest of the Swishers. I had forgotten how much graduations will always inevitably suck but I got to see Kendra and Kenny graduate which made me happy. Amy and I yelled really loud and made fun of everyone. It was fun. Afterwards I went to Kennys graduation party at his brothers. I have never been surrounded by so many Swishers at once. It was pretty intense. Sarah drove Kenny, Amy and I back to Londonderry. Matt came and we went at bought way too much beer (but now after saying that I remember, you can never have too much beer) We went to Daves. Dave got out of work. Party central. But not really because I thought people were going to drink more (hence the 3 18 packs and a 12 pack) Dave and I were up until 5. Smoked a bowl. Went to bed.
The next day Matt and Jimmy came over. Then we went to Kendras party just in time for the last hour of it (Sorry Kendra) Last night Dave and I went the see Mr and Mrs Smith. It was pretty good. Dave bought me popcorn and soda. He's such a good date. Then we came home and played bonk. Dave kicked my ass.
I need to clean my room. It smells like beer. But thats not my fault. If my room wasn't so small then Dave and I wouldn't spill beer in it all the time. So I blame my parents. And I should take a shower. And I'd like to paint today. But I'll probably just end up laying in my room watching TV.
oh yeah and my dog got bit by a beaver. |
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| Head, shoulders, knees and toes. |
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| 02:38pm 08/06/2005 |
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mood:  ready to open a can . . music: Shit coming in through the window
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What the fuck? The guy in the condo next to us is washing his car right now. He's this big guy with a shaved head and he's listening to crappy rap music really loud. But anytime I am playing four square in the driveway and I want to play a little Michael Jackson or Weezer or any other sort of music that is not shitty rap music I get shit from my mom saying it will bother the neighbors. I should start throwing things from my brothers windows. I'm pretty sure I'll be safe if I lock all the doors. I think I'll throw water balloons full of paint since he just finished washing his car. Or maybe make some breakfast soup in a balloon. No one can escape breakfast soup.
Now he's got a friend who is drinking a beer and taking his shirt off. Gross I wish he would put it back on. I should stop spying on my neighbors. Orrrrr take all their beer. Yeah that one sounds better.
I had a dream last night that my grandma told me that my mom died and I should be ashamed of myself. It made me feel bad. Damn dream grandmas. |
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| These eyes have seen. |
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| 05:38pm 06/06/2005 |
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mood:  hard hat what? music: Classic Rock
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I just made stir fry so I don't have to eat any of my dads venison. Its good and all but the man makes it so often. But I think he gets insulted if you don't eat it. Because its the "best venison in the entire world!" He even makes vegetarians eat it. Well he tries (ahem, Jessie). But I think my stir fry was pretty good.
Yesterday my sister and I drove up to Lake Winnapausakee for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. I traded my cousin 8 pennies for a key. My sister and I got drunk when everyone fell asleep. We kept everyone up. My grammy was mad. But now I'm back.
I think I might need a break from drinking for a few days. I keep saying that but opportunities to drink keep popping up so I just do it. Like at Jimmys, 50 beers, 4 people. Then Pats the next night. Then Kellys the night after that. And then last night with my sister. I just want to share Sammy Salsa with all my friends.
I have to go to the library soon. I need to use the copy machine so I can work on my tattoo. That is definately the first thing I am getting when I have money. I really hope I get that job.
Dave and I realized after changing the oil that we forgot to change the filter. So we took care of that today. I wish KMart was always going out of business, changing my oil cost next to nothing.
OK Sam clean the bathroom, then you can go out. |
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xrubylovex's journal
lonely